


It Should've Been Him

by antagonizesthai



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Character Death, Gay Erwin Smith, Gay Male Character, M/M, One Shot, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:20:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25196086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antagonizesthai/pseuds/antagonizesthai
Summary: erwin smith leads an expedition, but it goes terribly wrong. casualties are always present on missions, but his life changes when it's smith's boyfriend who dies.
Relationships: Erwin Smith/Reader
Kudos: 33





	It Should've Been Him

**Author's Note:**

> uh so like i haven't written a fic in forever and i cant believe my first fic in forever is some angst fic so like bear with me with this

He was never one to express his emotions outwardly, preferring to not let his guard down from his leadership position. That changed on this specific expedition, one that would bring him to horrific sobs months later. What went wrong? Why did he falter and let this happen? Self depreciation would follow for a long time after the terror that reigned upon him. 

It happened quickly, and Erwin didn’t notice it immediately until the man next to him was suddenly gone. Looking to his left, he noticed the absence of his most trusted comrade. A rush of anxiety filled him as he looked around, eyes landing upon the other. “Don’t you  _ fucking _ dare,” he began to shout, but was met with a grin. The grin disappeared as the man felt the grip of the fifteen meter wrap around his midsection. Panic erupted on the face of Erwin’s beloved, searing pain blinding his vision as the meaty hand crushed the bones in their diaphragm. 

A blood curdling scream erupted in the air. Normally, Erwin wouldn’t take notice. Screams were always heard during expeditions, as casualties were always present, but this one struck him to his core. Grappling his way over, composure of seriousness completely gone, Erwin made his way to the nape of the creature. Cries filled his ears along with the sound of cracking and crunching, filling him with utter disgust and fear. The commander drove his blade into the skin of the titan’s neck, successfully taking out the vital point. Alas, this caused the man in the creature’s hand to be thrown to the side. The creature screamed, attempting to grasp something before ultimately coming to its demise. 

It didn’t matter to the commander, though. Quickly, he made his way to the crumpled individual on the ground, the tree the man was thrown against cracked and threatening to break at any moment. 

“Hey, hey,” the man said, coughing as Erwin placed his hands on their body. “I’m fine.” 

“No, you’re not. Don’t give me that bullshit,” Erwin croaked, eyes stinging. His hands moved to cup his dearest’s face. Even in times of grave situations, he still looked handsome. He pressed their foreheads together, the sounds of his comrades behind him disappearing. 

“You’re crying,” the other said, a pained laugh coming from behind the cracked lips, caked with blood. “I don’t want to go out seeing your pretty face all wet, Erwin.” 

“Shut up, please,” the commander begged, voice cracking. His hands were shaking, lips trembling. “Don’t do this. Please, you’re gonna be okay. I- you  _ have _ to be okay.”

That smile Erwin had grown to love came to the man’s face. It would have looked perfect in any other scenario, cradled so perfectly in his hands. Instead, it brought disgust and vile to the back of the commander’s throat. “Don’t lie to yourself, darling.”

A look of shock and even anger overcame Erwin’s face. It was quickly replaced with pain as soon as the eyes he gazed so caringly into came to a fluttering close. A sob racked his entire body, contorting him over his lover’s frame. He peppered kisses all over his face, hoping and praying it would awaken them. Yet, to no avail, it never happened. He never realized the hand of his boyfriend had been grasping his arm until he heard it softly fall onto the leaves below him. 

Erwin Smith was a failure. He was a wreck, a lovestruck fool, blinded by a dazzling smile that ruined the one man he loved. He didn’t move until he heard hurried footsteps approaching him from another soldier. 

The most distressing part was that he had to treat the other man the same as any other soldier during the burial. No special memoriams were publicly made. He was washed away as if he was just another ordinary corpse that came to a horrid demise. It was vile, disgusting, and terrible. 

Every night he saw the distorted and angered face of the other man, blaming him for everything. He was filled with dread and terror. Smith would wake up every night like clockwork, throat feeling restricted as pain wrecked his body, followed with disgusting sobs. 

He could’ve prevented it. 

It should’ve been him. 

Why wasn’t it him instead?


End file.
